Monday, November 23, 2009

Working Mom Guilt

Does every mom cry on their kid's birthdays???

My baby girl turns 3 years old today. And I am an emotional wreck. These 3 years have been awesome. We are truly blessed with a precious, smart, beautiful, and funny little princess. And I thank the Lord for each day with her.

And it's times like this when I really analyze how I am doing as a mommy, and if I'm doing a good job, and if she is going to turn out ok.

Being a mommy is the best thing ever, and the hardest thing ever, at the same time. Whether you are a mom who works inside the home, or if you are a mom who works outside the home, the bottom line is we ALL work. And we all have our share of guilt, and our share of always thinking what about me? and what about my wants & needs? Then another layer of guilt of even thinking those thoughts. It's a vicious cycle.

As a mom who works outside the home, I measure time with my kids in hours. During the work week I'm with them 30 minutes in the morning, then I pick them up around 5:30pm. I try to stretch their bedtime till 9, so I can get 3.5 hours with them. Wow--4hours/day. (I have actually never put that in writing) The weekends are precious hours to me. Friday nights me and the hubby try to squeeze a date in. But I'm too much in a hurry at dinner to get back to them that I don't enjoy it.

I try not to plan things on Saturdays, but inevitably, things are planned, and Sundays are busy with church, lunch, nap till 5, then the dinner/bath routine from 5:30-9pm.

The kids are in a christian pre-school. I do not worry about them during the day. I know they are being loved. Truly LOVED. And for that I am so thankful. Meredith amazes me how much she learns and soaks up everything. Her mind is a steel trap (which is good and bad sometimes:) But then I feel guilty that I am not the one teaching her things. But then again she would probably never learn all these new things with me 24/7.

I go through the cycles of:

-I'm a working mom, I'm providing for my children, everything is ok, I'm handling this pretty good.
-I'm a working mom, I don't want to be a working mom, but I don't want to stay home either. I'm not handling this very good.
-Am I really doing what God wants me to be doing?

And my thoughts throughout the day and at the end of the day are...

-Did I kiss my babies enough today?
-Did I tell them I love you enough times?
-Did I give enough hugs?
-Are they going to be scarred for life that I am only with them 44 waking hours a week?

I know the answers to these questions...and I know all mommies ask the same thing of themselves everyday....

So to all mommies...if you don't hear it as often as you would like, You are doing a great job!!! You are a great mommy!

Now off to kiss my sleeping babies one more time...and oh yeah...happy birthday Meredith! I love you!

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