Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Mommy Guilt

Today the MOPs group at church is having a Kid Day Out at My Big Backyard in Botanic Gardens.  My Big Backyard is my favorite place to take the kids to let them run around, and I can relax just being outside and watching them play.  I would love to be with the other mommies today, but I'm at work. 

Could I have taken the day off?  Sure.  Do I have enough PTO time to take off?  Um, a little.  I only have 20-ish hours in my bank.  But with the holidays coming up, I need to use my time off sparingly.  This time of year, when the weather is perfect, REALLY makes it hard to come to work.  I just want to play hooky and be outside with the kids.  But I can't. 

Although all moms are working moms, and we all have our share of mommy guilts, I think that us moms who work outside the home have it tougher, and have more guilt.

It sucks. I know I am providing for them, but I can't help but think what I'm NOT providing them. Be it time with them, or more hugs, more trips to the zoo, etc.  But I know that the time I DO have with them from 6pm-9pm on weekdays, and the weekends is my time to make it count, and spoil the heck out of them with hugs and kisses.

I had a conversation recently with my Dad about raising kids.  All my life he worked the night shift at the main Post Office downtown...11pm-7am.  I can't tell you how many times in my life I heard my mom say, "Shhhh...Daddy is sleeping!"  I guess he still has his share of Daddy guilt, too, even though we are all grown.

He apologized to me for not being around.  I started crying and told him not to feel that way, because I felt just the opposite!   Even though he did work the night shift, he was always at the football games and basketball games watching me cheer.  He was always at church on Sunday mornings, even though he worked the night before.  Sure, sometimes with his eyes closed during the sermon ;)  But he was THERE.  I told him that I admired him for that.  I knew that he was exhausted sometimes, but he was there.  I have no memory of anything he might have missed.

My friend posted this interview with Sarah Jessica Parker about the upcoming movie 'I Don't Know How She Does It' and it was just the little nugget of encouragement I needed for the day.  We put a lot of (un-needed) pressure on ourselves.  And we have to remember that kids remember things different than we do. 

Anyhoo...didn't mean to get all heavy on a Friday. 

I can't wait to go see the movie.  A lot of people say the same thing to me:  'How do you do it?'  My unashamed answer to them?  Medication!  God bless Adderall.  (not forever.  just for now ;)


2 comments:

  1. You don't even have to tell me about some guilt! I went from being a SAHM for 8 years to working full-time at a place that has ZERO flexibility and where you get next to no time off. I miss so much, and I hate it. I don't do near the amount of stuff for John Noah that I did for Brianna, and I hate it. I get the "my mom was the only mom not there", and I hate it. I so badly wish there were other means, but working full-time is what it takes for me to provide for my kiddos, hopefully they'll understand when they're older. :-)

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  2. I feel you on this 100%. I called in sick today. It was nice to be home for a change even if I have a headache from hell.

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